The need to keep going

I sit here in the dark thinking and wishing I had more of a purpose. I wish I was more than just a mother. Why is there always the endless loads of laundry and why is there always messes to pick up? I want to scream out and take life by the hand again instead of it taking me kicking and screaming down a side street to rob me of my youth. The price we pay to be a mother! I think my youngest says it best in this picture! To look at his perfect little face you would think there is nothing wrong with him. He is a sweet little 3 month old. I can't believe he is almost 9 months now. He should be crawling! He should be sitting! Poor baby can't even roll over and eats from a tube in his stomach. I sometimes wish I could take it all away. I wish he was normal so he could run and jump and play and bug his brother and sister. I wish he could steal their toys and bang on pots and pans in the cupboard by the stove. I pray he can eat cake on his first birthday and will be able to sit up while we sing happy birthday. I hope one day he will grow! I keep going for him. I keep praying for him. I keep loving for him. I keep hoping for him. I keep living for him.