Awake in the night

I am up. 1 am and I am up again. I think it is the worried me setting in. Things are going great and I am worried. About what? I don't know but I am anxious and I am worried. I think I thrive on drama and things going bad these days. Something to do other than the daily nothingness of everyday life. As things settle down in life I feel an uneasiness. It could be that I am not use to having no one to really talk ot. It could be that I am so use to being out there in the world working on something. It could just be my nerves at one in the morning shouting at me to get off the computer and go to bed.
I realize that I have not had a best friend in a long long time. Someone that gets me and someone that no matter what crazy things I do they will always love me and they will always call me their best friend. I think I am too high maitenance for most people and I tend to choose people that are too high matienance for me. I look back at the last time I had a real best friend and it was when I was something like 10. Beth. I still call Beth at times. She has turned into the person I never want to be. Single, smoker, drinker. Divorced two times. She married loosers she met in a bar. The same bar! Go figure things didn't work out. She is strong though. She knew she didn't want to be a mother and never had kids. She is understanding and never judges me still to this day, but we come from such different lives now and she does not get me anymore.
Some say I should turn to my husband in this. He has his own problems that dealing with my darkness at times is too much for him and he turns and runs. I don't blame him. I run from his. We don't get eachother and I don't think we ever will but that is what makes us work. We love eachother in the good and bad times but we don't get eachother. For example I don't get why he can't take pills to get over the physical pain and he doesn't get why I do. I guess neither way is bad but neither of us gets why.
I am reading the best book these day.Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Many people could be offended by her interpretation of God and religious things. Be open I say and read it. It is a really good book about her journey through life.