The big day is getting closer and closer. I of course am geting more and more nervous. I am glad my brother Jared is comming to the hospital to be with me during surgery. I of course would be just one big mess and talking over the internet to anyone that would listen if it were not for him. I have been through surgery myself and have always thought oh no big deal! However when it is your own child a huge monkey wrench is being thrown into the pot. The what ifs keep creeping in my head and its all I can do to not dwell in them. People tell me I am the strongest person they know. I don't think I am that strong. I do what I have to do to survive and to take care of my children. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life over the years. Some of you know and some of you would be surprised but it all comes down to one thing. That thing is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am trying and that is what counts. I am doing what I can and relying on him because that is what big brothers are there for. I am glad I have had the trials I have had. I am glad I never sat back and decided not to test my limits and grow like others do and end up having a midlife crisis. (I got mine over by 25) I sometimes wish I could do it all over again. There are only a few things I would change.